Sometimes, I have trouble understanding myself. Love is tough. Love is cruel. Love is kind. There are moments that made me want to give up and let everything go. Yet there are moments that made me want to hang on because I see something in us that grows us, matures us and brings us even closer. Here I am seated at the table, penning these thoughts. I was just wondering if the concept of “The One” is true. People often tell me that if you’ve found “The One”, you’ll know it in your bones that you belong together and you two are just made for each other. Love is more than just about finding “The One”, it takes more than perfect chemistry, strong connection or merely feeling right with this person. Rather, it’s about putting in the effort to make this work as a team. Whatever we’ve known about love – whether it’s from rom-coms, sappy chick flicks, fairytales and make-believes, it’s a total hokum. Shit happens, your “happily-ever-after” doesn’t come true and you live with disappointments. The minute you register this in your head, everything starts to fall into place. “Hold no expectations lest no disappointment,” is my advice. When you view things with an open mind, a positive attitude and willingness to drop your checklist of finding “The One”, you will probably find your “happily-ever-after”.
The sky is looking overcast with something to say. As if to say that I’ve made a grave mistake this time. That I need to pick myself up and love myself better again. Just how many times do I have to tell myself that I am enough? When will I be able to convince myself that I don’t need to seek validation from others to ascertain my existence? I don’t need to be someone great or famous. Neither do I need to be someone beautiful or fabulous. All I ever want to be is just me, myself and I.
Confidence is my biggest nemesis, my kryptonite, my worst fear since young. My lack of confidence gives rise to the lack of trust in others. Sometimes, I feel that I will be happier if I were prettier. Sometimes I feel that I will be luckier if I were smarter. Or perhaps, everything will work out the way I planned, if I possess the brawn and brains – the best of both worlds. I don’t know why I’m so fixated on this notion of being pretty and smart, but it certainly boils down to the lack of my confidence and the need for validation. There are times when I feel awesome about myself, but they don’t just stay that way. Maybe there’s something wrong with me. I’m not the perfect girl you make me out to be, but I will battle my demons and be myself. Friends who’ve been with me long enough, they have seen and heard enough of this. I need to put an end to this problem but please be patient with me. That’s all I ask for.
They have no idea what we’ve been through
No words can explain what we have to the world
You get me and I get you
We just understand each other
No questions asked
There’s no other way to put it
One look on your face and I am understood
From a frown, it turns into a smile
Some people know me for almost a lifetime
And they still don’t get me
We’ve only known each other for a while
But our souls just connect
I knew it in my bones
That you were right for me
It’s like you’re the final piece to my puzzle
The answer to my question
The hero in my fairytale
The most painful thing about growing up is that it didn’t matter what you’ve gone through, when it happened, why this occurs, it only took one instance, one event to make you realise that shit has got real and it was time to be tough, for you to become who you really are.
When we try to look for answers, it leaves us with more questions
When we overthink everything, we suffer from nothing but depression
We make sense of our surroundings by holding onto things we believe in
We just have to let go of we’ve been
We’re just tired and need somewhere to begin
When you look at some people in your life, you can tell how their story will end. You’ll probably have no idea what they are going through and I don’t know what it’s like for them. Perhaps it’s never enough after all. But when I look at you, I just know how our story will end. Our going gets tougher, our connection’s stronger. We are going to make it to the end. For our ending finishes with a “WHAM BAM, THANK YOU MAN”
They laid together in bed,
While melting into each other’s arms all night
His arms wrapped around her
To protect her from the dangers of the night
He was haunted by his nightmares,
Awakened by the ghosts of his past
She couldn’t be there to help him fight his demons
But she will always be there when he wakes up
That’s all it matters.