#21: Today I Write Something

It’s 8.15pm and my mind starts to wander. The gentle breeze brushes past my face, as though it’s trying to chase me off to bed. Yet, the thought of going to work at an unearthly hour i.e. 2am eludes me. All of a sudden, I’m piqued with a strong urge to write something today, since the first month of my job is going to be over in 3 days. Today I write something about five lessons I’ve learned as a single 20-something, who’s trying to figure out what she’s trying to do with her life.

1. Mellow down, tone down, tame your tits

Once upon a time, I was so hot-headed and I often let my emotions get the best of me. Now, I feel like I have mellowed down my emotions quite a bit (crying is not part of this, sorry) and care a little less about the end of the world. As soon as I started working, I have learnt about a lot of things that haven’t been taught before. My perspectives of the world start to change with the nature of the industry I’m in – especially dealing with people.

2. If there’s a problem that can be solved, there’s no need to worry. If there’s a problem that cannot be solved, there’s no point worrying at all. 

There was a story behind these words. In a nutshell, I’ve made a costly mistake. It certainly pays to be careful, literally. I question myself if I’ve done my best and I start to realise the gravity of making mistakes at your workplace. I learnt hard from making mistakes because processes matter. If you mess up the processes, you’ll only get a bad result in the end. The advice for myself is to be careful at all times. Sigh. I beat myself up over this mistake, a lot. I’m definitely moving on from this mistake and focus on building a better self. We’re only human after all. To err is to be human. Right?

3. Roll up your sleeves and everything is going to be alright. 

I always feel like my life is on tenterhooks. It really gets to me all the time. It’s annoying me and I know that I annoy people around me too. I just wish that I have a solution to this psychological barrier. I try not to sweat the small stuff and learn to relax. It’s normal to feel scared. The weight of failures and the mistakes I make – they are the madness in my head. I also tell myself that the storm will pass, only then my heart will settle. They are definitely worth the fears and anxieties because everything is going to be alright.

4. Stop comparing yourself to others 

Stepping into the working society, I realised that it’s not about the qualifications on your resume, it’s about the starting points in life. The life of a working class struck me that I have a lot to pick up, it makes me examine myself and the choices I make. When I thought that I was sensible, it wasn’t enough – it was only the beginning. I can safely say that wherever we go, whatever we do, we all have to start somewhere. That being said, we start from scratch. I wasn’t trying hard to impress people but I was certainly trying to be better than I was yesterday. Who you are today is better than who you were yesterday.

5. Grow up, be humble and take charge of your own life. 

I thought that I could get the ‘dream’ job I’ve always wanted. I wanted to have a job that makes me ‘happy’. But then again, is it possible to have a job like this? A job that’s made of conditions and expectations. How is it possible for this job to exist? Happiness comes from knowing what you truly value, and staying consistent with the beliefs you’ve created for yourself. Taking charge of the way you feel is another form of happiness. Personally, I’ve not reached that stage of taking control of my emotions. But I certainly tell myself that what I am today will be better than I was yesterday. So, stop worrying and embrace whatever’s coming at you. Trust me, I’m embracing whatever’s coming at me too.

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